


Connor Murphy's Law

by diinokiddo



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-27 00:56:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14414190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diinokiddo/pseuds/diinokiddo
Summary: “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”These are the events that happen the day of Connor Murphy's attempted suicide.





	Connor Murphy's Law

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write a short story for an english assignment, and decided to post it here for fun.

Walking on eggshells, that’s what it was like in the Murphy’s household. Constant yelling, bickering, banging, anything that would be considered a noise is a constant in that house. 

Connor Murphy was the reason.

He wasn’t exactly a bad person, well, per-se. His actions spoke louder than his thoughts, and he doesn’t have a brain to mouth filter. His sister, Zoe; usually got the short end of the stick when it came to Connor.  
He wasn’t abusive.. No, okay. He was, for the most part. He didn’t want to be, but he was. Not physically, but definitely verbally. It was a battlefield whenever Zoe and Connor crossed paths during one of his moods. 

Which wasn’t that often, considering whenever Connor got upset, he usually locks himself in his room and smokes his own future away.

“Connor drank all the milk again.” There she goes. Blaming every possible thing onto her brother. Connor let out a sigh as he rolled his eyes, deciding that today wasn’t worth it, an argument wasn’t worth it. 

He wouldn’t be here for long anyways, might as well give them some peace.

“Zoe, you have to drive Connor to school with you,”

“No, he’s going to make my car rot. You know he hasn’t taken a shower in a full two weeks, right?” 

“Please, can we not do this today? Just take your brother to school.”

The room was silent, before Zoe let out a sigh, “Fine, but if he isn’t ready in 5 minutes I’m leaving without him.”

Connor shrugged, getting up from the kitchen table. No one took the comment seriously, everyone knew Zoe would get in trouble if she actually left without Connor. He walked towards the family room, picking up his schoolbag.

He was always ready for school on time, all he needed to do was throw on some jeans and his hoodie and he was perfect. Despite having long hair, he never bothered brushing it. He used to, but lately, he saw no use, considering he wouldn’t be around long enough for anyone to care but his casket in the earth.

Connor walked out the front door, slamming it effortlessly. He walked towards the car that he regretfully shared with Zoe, after an agreement with their mother. Opening the car door, he threw his bag on the floor before he hopped inside, slamming the car door in spite. 

He watched Zoe walk towards the car, keys in hand. Connor never understood why they both ‘shared’ the car, yet he wasn't allowed to drive it. Actually, no, he did understand why. It was because their mom was scared shitless of him driving while high, which could be any time. 

“Any day now, princess.” He called out to Zoe from the car window, watching her scowl. He found an odd sense of happiness when he annoyed her, more proof over why he was a bad person. Who found enjoyment in making others around them annoyed? No one that deserved to be around, that’s who.

Zoe practically threw herself into the car, jamming the keys in. She didn’t want to be more late than they were going to be.

“Put your seatbelt on.”

It was a simple request, Connor should’ve just complied.

“Why should I?”

“Because I’m going to speed to school, and if you fly through the windshield, mom’ll never let me drive again.”

Connor stared at her, frowning before he rested his hands behind his head, “Sounds like a you problem.” 

Zoe glared, sighing.

“Whatever.”

So off they went, Zoe speeding down the street towards their school. Connor was relatively calm throughout it, though it was obvious Zoe wasn’t used to driving so fast. At least if they were pulled over, she’d be the one to bite the dust.

As they pulled in front of their school, Connor opened the door before Zoe could even park.

“Jesus, Connor! I’m still driving!”

Jumping out, Connor shrugged, “Sucks to be you then.” 

He walked away from the car, towards the school’s front doors. He couldn’t wait to get out of this place, which wouldn’t be that far away. He graduates in a few months, though.. He wouldn’t have to wait that long.

Walking towards his locker, he started to overhear a conversation between Jared Kleinman, and his overall weird friend, Evan Hansen.

“You fell out of a tree?!” 

Evan watched Jared break down laughing, deciding to stay quiet. Jared was always like this, he didn’t have a brain to mouth filter either. 

“Ye-yeah.. Over the summer, when I got the job at the park, I.. fell.” 

Jared’s laughter died down to occasional chuckles, “So, what are you, an acorn?”

“No..”

Evan thought Jared was going to say more, he usually did. Jared was insistent on teasing Evan, that’s what friends were for. Sorry, family friends. There’s a difference, as Evan has repeatedly heard.

He watched Jared stare at something, and for a moment, he thought he was just staring at Evan, but then he came to his senses and realize his gaze was directed behind Evan. 

He turned around, watching someone open their locker

Connor Murphy.

Evan hasn’t directly known Connor, but they’ve been in the same class since first grade. Evan was there when Connor threw a printer at Ms. Fleming in second grade. He was there for Connor’s Harry Potter birthday party in fifth grade, Evan’s always been there.

In the background.

“Hey, Connor, loving the new hairstyle. Very school-shooter chic.”

Yikes, doesn’t Jared know how insensitive that was? Of course he did, he had to.. Or maybe Jared was just an idiot. 

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, your whole style is really giving me that vibe. Very 2008.”

Evan stared in horror at Jared, he’s actually saying all of this to Connor Murphy, of all people. He knew Jared didn’t inherently have a fear of Connor like everyone else at their school did, but still..

Connor stared at them for a solid 3 minutes, before Jared let out a nervous chuckle, “It was a joke, Murphy.”

“I know. Can’t you see I’m completely engulfed with laughter?”

He stepped towards Jared, cocking his head slightly, “Am I not laughing loud enough for you, Kleinman?” 

Jared stepped back the same time Connor stepped forward. Evan knew Jared’s reputation meant a lot to him, and getting beat up by Connor Murphy would definitely tarnish his popularity.

Evan watched Jared scowl in ‘disgust’, when really we all knew it was in fear. Embarrassment.

“Freak.”

The words left Jared’s mouth so effortlessly, and then he walked away. Leaving Connor and Evan alone. 

If you thought about it, this situation was sort of funny. The supposed crazy loner of the school, there, with Evan. The infamous kid with such extreme social anxiety, it was almost creepy. 

Evan let out a chuckle by mistake, and suddenly watched Connor’s head snap towards him.

“You thought that was funny?”

“What- no- I-” Evan quickly stammered, but it was too late, before he knew it he was pushed to the ground.

“I’m not a freak.”

And that was all she wrote. Connor left, and Evan was on the ground. Alone. Just like he was in summer.

As Connor walked away, he felt a sudden feeling of regret. He had noticed the cast of Evan’s arm, and yet he still pushed him down anyways. Evan Hansen was infamous for being the weird socially anxious kid at their school. There were videos of him freaking out trying to present an assignment in front of his class in freshman year.

Connor was upset, because not only was the other weird kid in their school laughing at him, but because he had yet again proved someone right.

He was a freak, he was indeed the worst of the Murphy siblings. He had just pushed an innocent guy to the ground, in front of everyone. 

Connor sighed, resting his head in his hand, rubbing at his eyes. 

Whatever, why should he start caring now. 

Connor started walking to class, his bag still in hand. He never had the chance to drop it off at his locker, but that didn’t really matter. As he turned the corner, he walked inside the classroom door. 

The students went quiet, as they watched Connor slowly walk his way to his desk. Had they already heard what happened earlier? Possibly. 

Connor was scared, which was stupid. He didn’t fear anything, and yet here he was. Failure. 

Connor did fear one thing, he supposed, and it was failure. He’s always been viewed as a failure, by his sister, parents, and peers. His teachers had even given up on him, and he knew it was stupid to start caring now.

It was a useless fear, considering after today ends, he’d end up failing them all again. 

The class bell rung, signalling all the students to quiet down. Connor hadn’t even noticed they started talking again until it all stopped abruptly. The teacher walked in, going towards the whiteboard. 

 

After Connor’s last class, he walked towards his locker. He had planned to leave his bag at the school, and leave without a trace. However, he saw someone out of the corner of his eye. Turning slightly, he noticed Evan walking towards the computer lab. 

Connor thought to himself for a moment, weighing out whether he should apologize or not. Shrugging, he decided to. He had nothing left to lose, so his final words should at least be something semi-nice. 

Walking towards the computer lab, he opened the door, going inside. He stared at Evan typing away, deciding to lean against the wall while he waited. 

Once Evan pressed the print button on his document, he got up, turning around before he froze. 

Connor raised a brow, “How’d you break your arm?”

Of course he already knew, had had overheard the conversation between the boy and Jared earlier. He still felt as if it was necessary to ask, though.

“Oh- I uh.. Fell out of a tree.”

Connor cocked his head, “You fell out of a tree?” He watched Evan nod before he let out a small chuckle, “Well that’s just the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Evan let out a nervous laugh of his own, “Uh- yeah, I know..” He smiled slightly, before he looked back down at his arm.

Connor followed his gaze, frowning, “No one’s signed your cast.”

“... I know..”

Connor watched him, before he pushed himself off of the wall, “Got a sharpie?”

Evan abruptly looked up at him, his eyes widened slightly. He never expected Connor to want to even associate with him. 

“Yo-you don’t have to, It’s fine, really-”

Connor decidenly ignored him, going through Evan’s bag. Guess privacy was thrown out the window. 

Pulling out a sharpie, Connor opened it, holding the cap in his mouth. He tried taking Evan’s arm as gently as he could, but still pulled it towards him harder than he would’ve liked to. 

“It’s fine, I want to sign it.”

So, Connor wrote his name in big bold letters, barely leaving any room for anyone else. If Connor wasn’t going to be around any longer, he’d want at least something that’d be around long enough for people to remember him by. 

He watched Evan stare at the cast, his mouth formed in a small ‘o’ shape. 

Trying to ease the mood, Connor shrugged, capping the sharpie, “Now we can both pretend to have friends.”

“Good point.”

Then the conversation fell flat, both refusing to move. Then, Connor suddenly remembered the paper that Evan printed out. He reached towards it, grabbing it before Evan could protest.

‘Dear Evan Hansen,’ Connor read, he was a bit confused why Evan would be writing a letter to.. Himself? Until he got to one line.

“All my hope is pinned on Zoe…” Silence fell in the air.

“Zoe? As in my sister, Zoe?” 

Suddenly, he felt angry. He knew he shouldn’t he had no right to. However, then Connor started to remember all the times he’s seen Evan talk to his sister. The way the boy looked, it was so obvious he had a crush.

Connor didn’t like that, he didn’t want his sister dating someone like Evan. She deserved better, which sounds rude, but Evan isn’t Zoe’s type. Connor knows that, at best. 

At least, he hoped he did. 

“It- it’s nothing, really- it’s just a letter my therapist assigned to me..”

Evan sounded petrified, and he should.

Glaring, Connor shoved the note in his pocket, storming out of the room, leaving Evan by himself once again.

He had no right to be angry, Connor knew that, but that didn’t stop him from storming out of the school towards his and Zoe’s car. He may not be allowed to drive it, but that doesn’t mean he won't.

He opens the car door, throwing himself into the driver's seat. Zoe can hitch a ride with a friend, he didn’t care. 

Looking through the glove box, he found the extra pair of keys. 

Starting up the car, he sped off towards a nearby park.

See, Conner’s been planning on killing himself for a month now. Of course, he’s had suicidal thoughts for years. But he had only had a plan in mind for a month. He had everything planned out this morning, and he was ready. 

Arriving at the park, he stormed out of the car, walking into the park’s forest. 

He had planned to do it with pills, he already had a bottle in his pocket. Connor walked around for at least an hour, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket. He assumed it was Zoe, but he didn’t care.

He finally found a good enough spot to do it, deep in the forest. 

Sitting down, he opened the pill bottle, pouring at least 20 in his hand. He had also brought out a water bottle, cracking open the seal. 

He had no last words. He was done of being a failure to everyone, he was done being scared of the future, he was done being scared of at school, in general, Connor Murphy was done.

He had no last words, so he put the pills in his mouth and quickly drowned them with water.

It wasn’t long until his world went black.

However, that didn’t last long. Suddenly, he heard beeping in his ears. He sat still, his eyes closed. He didn’t dare move for a solid 3 minutes, until the beeping was too much. Opening his eyes, a strike of light hit him.

The room was white, and curtains to the window beside him were open, revealing a bright and sunny day.

A soft sigh escaped Connor.

_Failure._


End file.
